Here is the continuation and finale of 30 Days of Thankfulness, as posted on the Facebook. Days 1-15 are here. It was an interesting experiment; I found myself gravitating back to the same few things repeatedly (like self-awareness, for example). Those are some of the most difficult things, but also some of the most rewarding. Funny how that works. Now, on to it:
Day 16: I’m thankful for the ability to have a calm, rational, productive discussion with someone even while my mind yells obscenities at the person nonstop until the conversation is over. That’s a pretty valuable skill.
Day 17: I’m thankful for independence, for knowing that I don’t need someone to take care of me, for not being afraid to do things by myself, and for not being afraid of how I appear when I’m doing said things alone.
Day 18: I’m thankful for self-awareness. Sometimes it feels like an awful burden, to be honest, and I sometimes fall into the trap of over-analyzing. But it’s given me the tools to find happiness and fulfillment no matter what whirlwinds of life may be happening outside me, and that’s a beautiful thing.
Day 19: Today I am thankful for the tide of life, the natural ebb and flow of emotions, even when you do nothing to address them but quietly observe, and that the more you practice riding the tide, the less time high tide lasts.
Day 20: I’m thankful for tummy bubbles. The butterfly kind, that tickle around in there and make you pretty sure you could float if you could just jump high enough to get a good start at it.
Day 21: I’m thankful for how small the world is, or at least for how small it feels.
Day 22: This is my first Thanksgiving in 13 years as a single woman. I’m thankful for the opportunity to be single. I’ve learned more about myself in the last 9 months than I have the entire rest of my life. It’s been at times wonderful, horrible, touching, despairing, romantic, destitute, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Happy Thanksgiving, all.
Day 23: I’m thankful that everybody makes mistakes. That makes it a tiny bit easier to swallow when I do. But seriously, only a tiny bit.
Day 24: I’m thankful for the ability to make hard choices. I think self-deprivation and exploration come easier to me than to many, and even though it’s sometimes crazy painful to go through, there’s something to be said about whittling oneself down to the most base self, and seeing what’s there.
Day 25: Today, I’m thankful for the number 91. And that’s all I can muster. [Editor’s note: I don’t even remember what the fuck this was about. But if I do, I’ll add it back in here!]
Day 25, do-overs: I’m thankful that sometimes, it’s all you can do to just get through a day, but that eventually, you do. And then there’s another.
Days 26-30: I went through a really difficult time about a week ago, and I couldn’t bring myself to find meaningful things to be thankful for. I could have said that I was thankful for things like whiskey, and the sun, and not being dead, but that would have been a cop-out on the promise I made myself to really push myself to find difficult things to be thankful for. So, to make up for my five missed days:
I am deeply grateful for difficult times, for the way they refine the self, burning away the impurities through exposure to the fires of life, then recede into contentment and peace, leaving a slightly more sparkly, focused Krista where a dusty, lost one used to be.