It was true! And I’ve figured out his super-secret, incredibly complex and unexpected Master Plan:
1. Get elected POTUS. (Check.)
2. Piss off enough people (whether through inaction, not enough action, or actual action…it really didn’t matter, no matter what he did, this step was pretty foolproof) that they would vote a bunch of Tea Party nutters into all sorts of political offices because, ironically, they too promised change and hope and all that jazz. (Check.)
3. Sit back and let the newly-elected officials do all the crazy shit the conspiracy theorist Tea Party nutters expected him to do. (In process.)
4. Laugh maniacally. (Soon…)
Republican Governor Rick Unger recently declared financial martial law in Michigan. He has already used it to take over the city of Benton Harbor. And now, word on the street is that Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is planning to do the same thing.
Remember, all that is the fault of Barack Obama. These people clearly aren’t acting of their own volition, because everybody knows Republicans are freedom-loving patriots who really look out for the working man. No, seriously.
But, hey, as long as they don’t take away your guns, let women have abortions (or, shit, even pap smears and breast exams), and continue to allow you to discriminate against gays and non-Christians, WE’RE STILL FREE, right??